My life as an atheist was very mysterious. Feelings spontaneously grew and shrunk inside of me and it was my duty to respond to them. Something similar happened with beliefs: I did not decide what to believe. If I wanted to know what “I” believed, I had to probe inside myself and check whether I believed this or that. I don’t know how I came to these beliefs but I knew I had to live by them. The same with opinions. Sure I read books and informed myself, but mostly really to find confirmation of opinions that existed inside of me, mysteriously grown without my interference. I couldn’t help that I thought a certain way: “It is just my opinion! I’m not responsible.” It was all a great mystery! As if something was living inside of me that had convinced me that it was my true self and that I needed to follow its instructions in order to be “true to myself” which was not only fair and just and honest but also the way in which I could be happy. I wasn’t to “fight myself”. I had to align my actions with this thing inside of me.